I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
