we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
