Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
