craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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