Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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