UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
