remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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