to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
false alarm. still invincible.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
