ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
