I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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