He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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