look no pants
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
