i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
