His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
