and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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