Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
