Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
