walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
