Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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