Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
