I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize