Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
