i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
