I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
