he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
