I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
