i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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