So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
