I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
