Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
