Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
