i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
