I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
