I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
