And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
