Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
