I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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