I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
