thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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