life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
