Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
