I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
