I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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