what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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