Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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