How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
