he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
