the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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