hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
