the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
