Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i would punch a child for taco bell
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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